Good Grief! What’s so Shocking about Culture Shock?

If you’ve ever traveled outside of your hometown, you probably are familiar with the highs and lows of experiencing a culture different from your own. Traveling (even to another state or city) can be exciting, challenging, and full of learning opportunities. It also can be scary, frustrating, and overwhelming. Add a worldwide pandemic into this mix, and you have a recipe for lots of potential stress.

The term culture shock describes the mixed emotions and sense of disorientation that are commonly felt by travelers to a culture different from their own. As I’ve spent my social work career helping people coping with grief and loss, I find it helpful to frame parts of culture shock as grief, and some of the coping strategies are similar. I also wonder if adjusting to pandemic life is a kind of culture shock you might have experienced right at home?

In adjusting to living in Seoul this year, I’ve found it helpful to brush up my knowledge about culture shock, a phenomenon first described by Anthropologist Kalervo Oberg (1960). In my view, knowledge is power, and it helps me a lot to understand and describe how I’m feeling. This post is a result of research I’ve done for myself, and hopefully sharing my own experience will help someone else out there, too.

Depending on how long a person is staying in the different culture, culture shock might last days, weeks, or even months. It’s not one event that happens but an overall feeling of how well you are coping with living in a new culture. Knowing that this is normal and can be managed effectively is key to surviving the most difficult phase of culture shock, which usually is described as having five stages.

Stages of Culture Shock

1. Honeymoon

This is the fun stage of experiencing a new culture. It’s the excitement about being in a new place and trying new foods, seeing new sites, or maybe learning a different language. It may be characterized by your viewing the new culture with “rose-colored glasses” and finding everything about the new place enjoyable and exciting.

For a well-seasoned traveler seeking an adventure, this might be the very first stage experienced in a new place. However, if you’re not accustomed to traveling or are fearful of the place in which you find yourself, this phase could come after an initial period of adjustment.

Example: When we first arrived in Seoul, we wanted to eat only Korean food and weren’t bothered at all when it was difficult to find our usual Western staples. It all felt like part of the adventure!

2. Negotiation (Shock/Crisis)

During this phase, the “rose-colored glasses” effect is wearing off. The differences between your home culture and the new place may stop feeling exciting and feel frustrating instead. It may feel overwhelming to order food in a restaurant, figure out how to shop, or navigate around a new city. There might be grief associated with leaving behind loved ones and a familiar way of life. Some have postulated that this phase is most likely to occur about halfway through your tenure in a new place, whether the timeline is days or years.

In the worst case scenario of this phase, you may become overly critical of the new culture and its people, comparing them unfavorably with your home culture. This is likely when homesickness sets in, as you idealize your home culture and may begin to reject parts of the new culture.

Example: After a few months of eating mostly Korean food, we began to crave foods from home and to feel annoyed that some items were hard to find here. Going to the grocery store felt overwhelming and stressful.

3. Adjustment (Recovery)

Happily, successful navigation of the negotiation phase most often leads to adjustment. This stage is classified by increased comfort with the language, foods, and customs of the new culture. Even though there will still be difficult moments, it may feel more comfortable and less overwhelming to cope with daily life.

Example: We eventually figured out what Korean foods we most enjoy and how to buy them. Through experience and the advice of new friends, we also learned where to find some of the more familiar foods from home. We figured out the shopping “routine” and built our Korean language skills, and grocery shopping in Seoul started to feel normal.

4. Adaptation

If you live long enough in a second culture, you may reach a stage of adaptation, or even bi-culturalism. In this phase, you no longer feel like “just a visitor” to a new culture. You have friends, regular activities, and a sense of belonging. Daily life is a normal routine and does not feel overwhelming.

Example: We definitely will not feel anything close to “bi-cultural” with just a year here, but we also don’t feel like “just visitors” anymore. We make plans with friends to hang out at someone’s apartment or to go out to dinner just like we would at home. We have a regular routine of working, shopping, and socializing. We know how to get around without undue stress. We feel as though we have a place of belonging here.

5. Re-Entry

This phase is sometimes called “reverse culture shock” and refers to the adjustment of returning home after an extended stay in another culture. You may have to repeat the stages of culture shock when returning to your home culture. Depending how long you have stayed away from home, life might have changed, and you will need to re-adapt. It may also feel disappointing that the knowledge and comfort you gained in the place away from home no longer applies.

Example: It remains to be seen how the re-entry will go. We’re already starting to prepare ourselves for this phase. We’ll miss friends we’ve made here, as well as Korean foods we’ve come to really enjoy. I’ll have a hard time giving up the sense of physical safety I have living in a very low-crime society. For women especially, this is a daily life factor to consider.

Coping with Culture Shock

The good news is, there are lots of ways to cope with culture shock. The most helpful starting point may be to recognize that the emotions associated with this experience are normal and expected. Before heading to a new place, start to plan for how you will combat culture shock and cope with the more challenging emotions when they arise.

I can testify that I have tried each of the suggestions below at some point, and they really have helped me to cope anytime I’ve started to feel overwhelmed or homesick. Not that I have all the answers, but it can be helpful to know how someone else managed when things got tough. Pandemic times have shifted how and when you can use some of these tools, but many of them can be adapted even during these strange days. If you’ve coped with grief, you may recognize some overlapping strategies.

1. Bring something familiar from home

Based on other’s recommendations, we brought photos of family and friends, a couple of candles with familiar scents, some small Christmas decorations, seasonings we love to cook with, and our own bed pillows to Seoul with us. We’ve been grateful to have all of these “transitional objects” to help our adjustment. We didn’t have much space in our suitcases, but we prioritized what we thought we’d most want.

2. Find a comfortable space (or spaces)

Though we originally planned to change apartments after our first few weeks in Seoul, we quickly changed our minds after growing comfortable in our original location. After about 8 weeks in Seoul, we finally started to feel settled and less overwhelmed, so we didn’t really want to uproot ourselves again.

Whether setting up a home or just finding a cafe you like, find a spot where you feel comfortable and safe. I can’t go wrong by heading to the mountains or walking along the river. A few weeks into our time in Seoul, we found a neighborhood bar run by Korean-Americans. When we want a taste of home, we know where to go.

3. Give yourself time

Sometimes there’s no substitute for being kind to yourself. Culture shock is normal, and it’s normal to grieve for parts of your life that have changed. Be patient, feel the feelings, and talk it out with someone you trust. It will almost always get better, and if it doesn’t think about seeking more formal help to develop further coping strategies.

4. Stay active and explore

This could mean really different things for different people. For me, sometimes it’s very helpful to take time for yoga on the living room floor. Most of the time, though, I need to get out. Hence, the regular hiking and neighborhood walks.

First, exploring a new neighborhood, city, or country can help you better understand the culture in which you’re living. This may deepen your appreciation of the new place and combat any overly-critical comparisons with your home culture. Learning to use public transportation by myself was a vital step in ensuring I could function happily in Seoul.

Second, exercise has been shown to combat depression and anxiety by releasing endorphins and other natural brain chemicals that increase mood. If the more difficult phases of culture shock persist and cause your mood to plummet, regular physical activity may help.

We were worried about how we would handle Christmas away from home, so we planned a holiday trip to Jeju Island, a place we were really excited about visiting. This turned out to be a great strategy for combating the culture shock we felt at about the half-way mark of our time in South Korea, which coincided with our first Christmas away from home and tightening pandemic restrictions here.

5. Find a project

Because I don’t have a 9-5 job in Korea, I knew I needed something to help structure my time and give me some purpose. Hence, this blog! It’s been a vital project to engage my mind, and it also motivates me to research and learn more about Korean culture so I can share it with you.

Learning language could be its own category, but I’ll put it here. It is certainly a project that engages the mind, and the more language you know the easier it is to engage with the culture. Even learning simple, common phrases can increase comfort with daily life. I felt so much better once I understood what the cashiers at the grocery store were saying and could interact competently with them!

6. Keep an open mind

You won’t love everything about a new culture. Who loves everything about any culture, right? It’s OK not to love everything, but try not to be consumed with criticizing, either. Say “yes” to new experiences and invitations as much as possible (within the bounds of safety). Cultural curiosity may be a protective factor in assisting adjustment to living in a new culture. Remember that living with some uncertainty is OK.

Try a new food, walk down a new street, and try to understand why the culture functions the way it does. Viewing people and situations with empathy and non-judgment may help to curb frustration with cultural differences. Often, understanding goes a long way toward building patience with the way things are done.

When all else fails, keep a sense of humor. Sometimes it helps to laugh at yourself when you realize you (yet again) have no idea what’s going on!

7. Make new friends

If you’re staying in a new place for any length of time, build a social network. Isolation is deadly when it comes to feeling sad or overwhelmed. Plus, it’s often more fun to explore with a friend and can deepen your understanding of your new culture. Try to find those with positive attitudes who will help you learn and grow, rather than using friendships as a means to be “down” together on your new culture.

Social media has so many great options for meeting people. We found our great weekend hiking group on Facebook, which then led to invitations to join an expat organization in Seoul. Both of these groups have been invaluable in helping our adjustment here. In addition, we joined the popular Korean messaging app KakaoTalk and found a couple of meet-up groups that way. Folks I met in those groups now have become friends.

8. Keep in touch with family and friends at home

If anything good can be said of this pandemic era, it’s that we all have been forced to learn new ways of communicating. With Zoom, FaceTime, Google Hangouts, Facebook Messenger, and a whole host of other communication tools, it’s easier to keep in touch than ever. Even with time zone differences we find times to connect, and when it’s hard to talk face-to-face we can share photos and videos to stay in touch.

When you feel down, phone a friend!

Final Thoughts

If we were going to be here beyond a year, our experience of culture shock could have been quite different, just as it would be different still if we were visiting for only a month. I was actually more homesick when we lived in Canada, an experience which arguably should have been easier since we were still in North America and had many fewer cultural adjustments to make. (And we loved living there!) However, it was my first time living far from home, and it was uncertain when we would return to the U.S. These factors contributed to the overall experience of culture shock.

We’ve got another few months to go in Seoul before we head back home, but we feel like we’ve increased our comfort zone quite a bit. The good news about culture shock is that when managed well, it can provide us with opportunities for personal growth. It also can help combat ethnocentrism, the tendency we all have to evaluate and judge other cultures from the perspective of our own cultural norms. If you’re not managing culture shock well at the moment, be patient with yourself. There are so many personal and situational factors that inform how well we can cope, even from one moment to another.

It’s a feeling of accomplishment to think we’ve lived happily in Seoul for six months. The coping strategies detailed above have had a major part in ensuring the success our time here. We’ll strive to keep learning and stretching and coping during the rest of our time here. If you’re dealing with culture shock, I hope these words encourage you and help you find new strategies for moving ahead.

Sources

Brown University Office of International Programs, “Culture Shock” (2020).

Introduction to Sociology – 1st Canadian Edition (2014) by William Little and Ron McGivern.

Madrid Metropolitan, “Finding Your Feet – Cultural Adjustment” (2017) by Chris Neill.

NOW Health International, “Culture Shock Stages: Everything You Need to Know” (2020) by Lauren McCluskey.